I Can’t Stand It!

July 19, 2008 at 11:23 pm 5 comments

It’s selfish! It’s sinful! It’s obsessive! It’s wrong! It’s ME!

I can’t stand me! The reason I can’t stand me mostly has to do with my obsessive tendencies. Seriously… I’m borderline stalkerish when it comes to people (particularly those that I like), and I’m borderline OCD when it comes to Solitaire. I purposely put myself in situations where I might get to see or hear about so and so, and even when I’m not in those situations I’m thinking about them. It’s really quite frustrating. I don’t want to be a stalker. I should just stop talking to boys. I should just stop looking at boys. I should just stop living in a world that has boys. That doesn’t work so well though… it would pretty much require me to die. *sigh* when it comes to solitaire, I play for hours and hours just so I can end the game with a positive score (because I play on cumulative score, and I lose a lot.)

I just want to be free of this! What’s the female form of a eunuch? Maybe I should be one of those.

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pre-edit

cause I know this is just me being emotional, and probably tired, I don’t think you should worry about me. God has blessed me with this understanding that I am free from all this sin. Christ died so I can be free from this disease of self. I just need to accept it, and live accordingly, which is hard to do when my focus is on me and not God. I think I like it a lot better when I’m writing incredible posts and poems when my spiritual walk is going really well, but I guess I’ll let you see me weak too. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Oh yeah… pretty much every post I write is a prayer request 🙂 Thanks

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Entry filed under: God, life, prayer. Tags: , , , .

My Wonderful Night Ocean Wide – The Afters

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cornishevangelist  |  July 20, 2008 at 6:54 am

    This prophecy came to me this morning from the Lord, 20th July 2008. The Lord said, “I have released a host of angels, from the four corners of the earth where the four winds blow, bringing my angelic host of angels to exalt and to glorify Jesus Christ on earth. For they were created especially to glorify and exalt my only begotten Son Jesus Christ.” Thus says the Lord
    EVANGELIST BILLY BOLITHO
    http://www.evangelistbillybolitho.blogspot.com

    Reply
  • 2. Raquel TWG  |  July 20, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    I know exactly how you feel!
    I am a bit creepy [Zach Hunter could testify for that!]. I’m good at stalking people.
    And as much as I stress not caring about dating until after high school, I can’t help but being attracted to certain people. It’s tough living in a world with boys.

    Reply
  • 3. mirrorimage75  |  July 20, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Attraction to different sex is natural. It is neither sinful nor wrong. Girls and boys are made for each other. Have u ever thought that the flowers we offer to God where do they come from? Why the birds sing? Why the season changes? Why we have life on earth? Its because of the force of attraction. Without this force, the world would be an ugly and lonely place to live. Suppose it happens one day that no one should be attracted to no one then you would not have water because it is H2+O, you would not have fruits and vegetables and food coz they are the result of such attraction. You wount have air to breathe coz earth’s force keeps it in the atmosphere. And finally if you wont have attraction of opposite sex you wont find any human to go to church coz then no life is possible.

    Reply
  • 4. anon4him  |  July 20, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Raquel, I’m so glad you get me!

    mirrorimage75 – you don’t get me! lol! and it’s not a bad thing. Attraction is not sinful on its own, but my reaction to it could possibly be sinful. Do you agree that being a stalker is bad? I don’t think it’s a good thing. I don’t do it intentionally, but I’m pretty sure I could be creeping people out. I don’t want that. I want people to like me, even if they don’t /like/ me. Attraction is ok; obsession is bad. Thanks for the comment though! I appreciate it!

    Reply
  • 5. Raquel TWG  |  July 20, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    We should start a support group. Or perhaps simply a Facebook group! Haha.

    Reply

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