What I Wanted

June 13, 2008 at 7:23 pm 4 comments

I think that there are times in life when you are supposed to let go, and other times when you need to hold on for dear life. Then there are the times when you don’t do what you are supposed to or you just don’t know what to do. That happens a lot for me, it seems. I have a difficult time letting go, especially when it’s of something so precious to me – something I’ve always wanted and something I know would bring me such joy for years to come. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it wouldn’t bring me joy. Obviously if the Lord isn’t letting me have something He has a reason.

I think the reason I have such a difficult time letting go is because of my trust issues. My father is an alcoholic, my first pastor that I can remember got caught up in sin, growing up we never stayed in the same place for long, I’ve seen people who claimed to love Jesus turn their back to Him, and not a few of my best friends have disowned their purity. When I finally learned to trust, when I finally decided “this is going to work,” that’s when it stopped working completely. Now, rather than letting go, I’m holding on so tight. But it doesn’t matter how tight you’re holding onto that treasure chest when the boat starts to sink: if you don’t let go of it, you will drown. You’re better off letting go and grabbing a life jacket.

And maybe that’s what I need to do – I need to let go of this dream, this desire, and hold on to something more permanent, more helpful. I need let go of fairy tales and hold on to God. God is not gonna let me drown. He knows what’s best for me right now. And maybe there will be a time when I can make my way back to the place that treasure sunk and get it back again, but in the midst of the storm is not the time to start searching for it. Perhaps now is the time to let the Lord lead me.

Psalm 23:1-3
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Sometimes I don’t like it when I come up with good analogies, because I don’t always follow the advice I offer in them. Wisdom is an important attribute to have, but perhaps obedience to wisdom is more important – that’s another post though. Right now, I’m just praying for the strength to let go of me and hold on to God.


Entry filed under: God, life, prayer. Tags: , , , , .

20 Year Old? Yeah right! I Hope

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Nathanael  |  June 14, 2008 at 6:58 am

    Another analogy that I wish I didn’t come up with because I probably won’t heed either it is that of an egg.
    An egg has value. You can eat it. You could sell it. You could barter with it for a loaf of bread.
    But if you cling to it too tightly, it breaks and is of no value at all.

    Our Father does desire to give you good gifts.
    He wants you to dream and anticipate.
    But when our earthly desires take up so much time and energy that our desire and dream for Him suffers, we are the ones who lose. And He patiently waits for us to see the folly of our ways. And when we turn from our foolishness and run back to Him, He welcomes us with open arms and whispers sweet love words in our ears.

    Ah, what a Redeemer we have found!

  • 2. anon4him  |  June 14, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Well said my friend, though, perhaps we should say “What a Redeemer has chosen us!”

  • 3. Nathanael  |  June 15, 2008 at 7:41 am

    He loved me before I ever dreamt of loving Him.
    He persued me as I ran from Him.
    He sought me whilst I was seeking another.
    And He chose me knowing I will always choose sin.


  • 4. alymc  |  June 15, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Philippians 2:6
    who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
    Jesus knows a thing or two about letting go for God’s will to be done. I find that completely encouraging in my struggle. I hope you do as well.


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