Save Me From Waking Up Tonight

April 27, 2008 at 12:46 am 1 comment

One song, one sappy, emotional, little song and I fall to pieces. This post’s title is not part of that song, I just thought it fit nicely. The song is something like “Best I Ever Had” and it was shared with me by a friend who was simply sharing music videos of songs that he thought I’d like the sound of… which I did, but the lyrics cut my heart in no less than 20 pieces that soon become a bloody mass of self-destructive emotion. Honestly, I would rather not wake up tomorrow morning. I would rather just die in my sleep. I feel like tearing my flesh off from my chest just so I can remove whatever painful mess of a heart is left caged by my ribs. I just want to cry and have someone hold me… but the only one I’ve got to do that is my mom… there’s no one else to stay up with me and talk to me… no one to give me a reason to live other than God hasn’t caused me to die yet. Honestly, what is He going to do with me? I’m a mess of emotion! All I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl was get married and be a mommy. No one is gonna want to marry me though. How could they when I don’t feel eros towards them? I’ve tried to like other boys just so I could “get over” that boy who is madly in love with another young lady, but I always crumble. I always regress to the point where I can’t get past how much love I still have for him and how little love I have for anyone else in comparison. I give up… does anyone know how I could accidentally kill myself on purpose? Maybe I should reread some of my chemistry books…it probably gives some hints

damn… don’t respond to this… I’ll probably be over it by the time I wake up tomorrow


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Positive Post Tuesday Betterish

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Lofter  |  April 27, 2008 at 11:52 am

    We stay. We stay because God wants us to. We stay because we know that God sees where we are. God knows how we feel, and when we hurt, and when we’re confused and frustrated. And, if God allows these things to befall us, it is because He loves us and there is good to be gleaned from them. Tough pill to swallow sometimes, all the same.
    Forgive me for responding, even after you asked for no responses. But, dammit, you’re special. I will most likely never be in the same state with you, much less share your company in person, but I know your heart… and I know that it’s good. There are many who love you, including me. Don’t lose sight of that, and don’t give up on God… He won’t give up on you.


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