More Permanent

I’m thinking about making my hiatus more permanent and less encompassing. I think I won’t be posting here anymore, but allow myself to get online occassionally. This last week, I feel like I’ve been much happier than I normally am. So I love you all and hope God blesses you so abundantly! You can e-mail me anytime you want –> Anon4him@gmail.com

I may drop by time to time to check your blogs, but probably not so frequently. *hugs love and prayer*

also, I love the song Every Little Thing by Hawk Nelson

Psuedo Hiatus

I’m addicted to the internet – a lot! So, for the next week I’m not going to get online. Already I’m wanting to make allowances for such and such a case, but the fact is, I haven’t been reading my bible, I haven’t been praying as much as I ought to, I’ve been staying up till ridiculous hours, and I really need to cut this thing down with a big machete! So, I’m gonna start out small. One week. One week isn’t going to make or break me and I need to loosten the grip that has been squeezing the real life out of me. If you need to get ahold of me (psh, haha, that’s right no one here really knows me much ‘cept Raquel) you can call me.  Umm… since Raquel is the only person who has my number, if you don’t need to call me, but want to chat you can ask her for it. Manyways, *hugs love and prayer* I’d really appreciate prayer from all of you… I’ve been struggling with some things lately… big, important, direction of my life things. I hope you all have a blessed week!

My (not) Perfect Day

Yesterday wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty close. Here are some bullet points:

• I didn’t have to babysit because my niece wasn’t feeling well.
• I bought groceries at Meijer for scalped potatoes and ham, green beans and mini-apple pies.
• I slammed on my breaks to avoid running a stop sign
• I spent all afternoon preparing said food.
• Brought said food over to an ill friends’ apartment where we enjoyed a luke-warm meal, watched some Family Guy, watched Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, washed some dishes, watched a few music videos, and read a couple chapters of Proverbs.
• I slammed on my breaks to avoid running a red light (This was the first day I’ve ever really had to slam on my breaks)
• I got home at around 1, and fell asleep on my bed.

It’s A Good Answer

“Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I’ve ever wanted an answer to – is she the one? The answer bloody well isn’t forty-two, it’s yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashadly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.”

Abrasive

The words came to me: “I fear my personality may be too abrasive for any one man to handle.” And then I realized I wasn’t exactly sure wheat abrasive meant. So, naturally, before changing my Facebook status, I meandered over to dictionary.com, where they kindly told me its meaning. It told me all sorts of applications ranging from “any material or substance used for grinding, polishing, etc., as emery, pumice, or sandpaper” to “tending to annoy or cause ill will; overly aggressive” to “Harsh and rough in manner.” I tended to apply the latter two to my personality and so, I changed my status. Then, I thought more about the first definition. Could my personality possibly be abrasive in that sense… in the way that my personality would polish or edify others? Perhaps that could be the reason my personality is so obtrusive, aggressive and rough. I flatter myself that I played some part in Zach becoming the more outgoing man that he is today, though in all likelihood it was the transition to college that encouraged his growth in that area. Logic! Stop crushing my dreams, man! But what if I’m right. What if God is using me to smooth out the rough edges that some possess by the very rough edges that I possess? What if he’s using me to polish these gems that they might be another’s treasure? I would he let me polish them for my own happiness, though I suppose I should rejoice at everything that’s done for God’s glory. *sigh* The thoughts of a narcissist… I shall go on with the personality God hath given me and seek to edify others as well as myself.

With Great Waiting Comes Bad Writing

Another night, and you are not here
To chat, and laugh, and quote Shakespeare
Time is a blanket slowly knit
and leaves me oft with little cheer

While sleep is good, I must admit
I may have bent the truth a bit
For all the while you are gone
I secretly thirst to hear your wit

And when you rise to see the dawn
I pray the Lord would lead you on
But not to keep you long away
Lest my joy may be withdrawn

Now, I, to bed, with not else to say
Perhaps next we meet, my thirst will allay
Till then, I bid thee a glorious day
Till then, I bid thee a glorious day

——————————————–

Bonus points if you can name who belongs to that poetic style!

Pop!

That’s what happened as I began to drink my second cup of black coffee tonight. My mind popped. I suddenly became very aware of little things around me – do you think it could be that black coffee is a more effective transporter of caffeine than my typical fru-fru coffee drinks? At any rate, I’m very aware of the tightness in my back, the warmth of my neck and the headache that is resting right above my eyes in the center of my forehead. Yep! Fun stuff! I am also noticing an occasional twitch from my eyes, which I can only assume is being caused by the coffee… otherwise a vein might be about to pop out of my head as happens in so many glorious cartoons when a character is made angry or has just drank some ridiculously hot/spicy liquid. I’m going to go with the former though. Dang… my cup is empty… is a third in order. I mean, it’s only 9:22 on a Friday night, I can sleep all Saturday if I want to, not that I don’t any other day I please. Ah, the luxury of living with ones parents with the only job of babysitting ones niece. I suppose I do have to be awake for that, but I still have the opportunity to nap afterwards. Manyways, it seems my thoughts are a bit wandering.

Back to coffee! So, I don’t drink coffee. I drink water, tea, juice… not coffee. And when I do drink coffee, I drink it socially, and with lots of cream and sugar or, depending on whether the particular coffee vendor that I’m at has Izze, I would typically opt for that, which is distinctly NOT COFFEE.

And so, I’ll end my coffee rant here, and instead tell you of the joy that watching a show called Zero Punctuation. It’s not so much what he says… ok,  sometimes it’s what he says, but it’s more the way he says it. Like when he says “shirikens and lightning” 10 times, it doesn’t get boring because he has a terrific British/Australian accent and speaks a mile a minute. I wouldn’t recommend this program, not at all. He is pretty crude and swears a bit, but the way he speaks is somewhat captivating. You should know that all this post as I’m writing it, I am hearing it in his voice. It’s quite delightful. Well, cheerio… I’m off to cup #3!

Show Me Love

Your love is true
Enduring all
What can I do to gain your favor?
Unconditional love
Better than life
What can I do to gain your favor?

I tried so hard to understand
This love that never quits
After all reason is dismissed
You only want to show me love?

What have I, to offer you?
My love will never be so grand
I barely have the strength to stand
And you only want to show me love?

You take me in and say forever
The ending of your love is never
You held me close
You dried my tears
What did I do to gain your favor?
What did I do to gain your favor?

You say you need me; can this be?
Your love, too wonderful, is all I see
I’m not that great. Your love is higher
Yet my love is your desire
You only want to show me love

How can I accept this love, so true
To find my hope in the arms of you
No one can ever deserve your favor
But you only want to show me love
You only want to show me love

I love you, I need you
Forever our love will be
And somehow it’s all because
All you want is me
All you love is me

You only want to show me love
You only want to show me love
How did I get so lucky?
You only want to show me love

—————-
Someone from Hungary visited a xanga post of mine that had this poem on it, so I decided I’d post it here. What do you think?

Oh yeah, and go to Clint’s blog!

Clint – the standard – has a blog

Hey everybody! I want you all to check out Clint’s blog! I know I’ve mentioned him on here before as my standard for a good, young, Christian man, which every 19-25 year old male ought to be. Clint is an incredible young man. I’ve never met someone so on fire for the Lord or so willing to minister to those in need. He’s a talented musician, a disciple of the most high God, and the best kind of friend anyone could ask for. I’ve been blessed to know him this past year, and I know if you visit his blog you will be encouraged and inspired by his words as well. Go to his blog, give him some encouragement, give him your prayers, and show this brother what a loving community y’all are. God bless!

New Song – I don’t have a title for this one yet

I’m seeking out your face
I cannot see beyond these mountains
This desert’s left me parched
Many miles from every fountain
I break down and cry
I’m asking you why
Why I’m in this place

You’re calling back,
“You don’t need to know, you don’t need to know
My love is all you need to know, all you need to grow
When it seems life is moving far too slow
Oh – you don’t need to know”

Every other guy
I swear, he is the one I’ll marry
I’m tired of this game
It’s left my heart so bruised and weary
I’m in this place again
And asking you when
When will I meet my future

You’re calling back,
“You don’t need to know, you don’t need to know
My love is all you need to know, all you need to grow
When it seems life is moving far too slow
Oh – you don’t need to know”

Then I finally see
All this mystery
Is just the way you show your greatness

Oh!
I don’t need to know, I don’t need to know
Your love is all I need to know, all I need to grow
When it seems life is moving far too slow
Oh- I don’t need to know
Oh- I don’t need to know