I don’t know

I dk! I dk! I DK!

*sigh*

Just kidding, I do know. I know as much as I need to know at this moment. I know that I am sinful. I know that because I’ve sinned my punishment was Hell. I know that God is gracious and compassionate – He’s abounding in grace, mercy and love. I know that God took on flesh as Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus led a perfect life. I know that Jesus was crucified and took all the sins of the world on his shoulders. I know that Jesus rose from the dead and thereby conquered sin and death. I know that the salvation that comes from Christ is mine, because I’ve accepted him as my Lord and Savior. I know that I’m forgiven and that when I die in the flesh I will live eternally in Heaven in the spirit. I know that as a child of God I need to put to death the flesh. I know that whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses it for the sake of Christ will find it. I know I want to be the latter of the two. I know that this is a good place to bring Tenth Avenue North and their song “Let it Go” into the picture.

I’ve been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They’ve gone white
I’m fighting for who I wanna be
I’m just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go.

Well it’s hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there’s nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one’s who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

So – show of hands – who wants to lose their life?

Life stuff

So, I don’t exactly know what to write about tonight. I suppose I could start with what’s been going on with me recently. I’ve been babysitting my niece, Emily. She’s usually a bundle of joy and has wonderful smiles and bright blue eyes. She’s quite a cutie ^_^. There are other times, however, when she’s fussy and whining, and it’s not because she’s hungry or because she needs to be changed or even because she wants to be held… it seems that nothing with satisfy her except her mommy. This is understandable, but still rather frustrating.

I’ve also been doing a good amount of cleaning recently… it makes me really want to have my own place. I’m gonna keep it soooooo clean! I’m gonna do the dishes, and clean the bathroom, and dust! I’m going to dust with a product called Old English, and I will enjoy it!

ok…. so I’m conversing right now… I hope you all have a wonderful time and I’ll come back and visit as often as I can… or choose too. Much love!

Fatal Error

“Computer Over

Virus = Very Yes

That’s not a good prize!”

My computer got a virus… this virus took out my computer, majorly! Whenever we turned it on an error popped up. We couldn’t even run the system in safe-mode. My brother wiped the hard drive. This means the thousands of pictures I had taken and put in a folder on my desktop are gone… not just on vacation… G – O – N – E, GONE! (that’s a really weird looking word in all caps). Yep, so that pretty much sucks. Luckily for me, I put nearly all of my pictures on facebook! Yay, pseudo-backup! If Facebook is ever destroyed the proof that I have existed for the last 2 years will all but be destroyed. Anyways… I might not be online too much in the near future, so if I don’t write or comment in a while, know that I still love you and if you were to come to my house I would gladly sit down and have tea and cookies with you. *hugs love and prayer*

More Than Silver

Riches buried in your Word
A treasure of worth
Unimaginable
Stronger burning for your heart
I seek out this love
Unconditional

More than silver
I’m seeking you, I’m needing you
More than human
I’m hearing you, believing you

Glory revealed through your Word
We follow a will
Irresistible
Salvation pouring from your heart
I’m filled with this joy
Inexpressible

More than silver
I’m seeking you, I’m needing you
More than human
I’m hearing you, believing you

More than possible
You’re molding me, you’re shaping me
More than loving
You’re breaking me, you’re saving me

More than silver
I’m seeking you, I’m needing you
More than human
I’m loving you, becoming you

I’m Not Your Mom

Growing up, my sister Shannon and I used to look alike – kinda. There were a couple times we were asked if we were twins. However, it has been a long time since we looked similar. The days when we were both the same height and had similar hair and eyes is pretty much over. Shannon is now a couple inches taller than me, has curly, shorter, blondish hair and usually green eyes; I have long, straight, brown hair with eyes that I like to think are hazel. Shannon also excels far past me in the milk-producing area, and I far exceed her in the caboose. Yet, despite these differences, her son Connor seems to confuse me for her at times, such as tonight. Whenever I set him down he would start to fuss… even if I tried to pawn him off on another person who was standing up, he would start fussing. He and I don’t really have a close relationship… I used to babysit him quite a bit last year, but after being in Wisconsin, he didn’t even remember who I was. I love the kid, but I’m not his mom. I didn’t sign up for screaming children yet – remember the part where I never got married or had sex? Yeah, I distinctly remember not doing that. I don’t really want my nephew thinking that I’m his mom… it makes my life much busier or much noisier.

Rockin with the B-Rood and my Besty

Yesterday I hung out with my best friend who is awesome and my friend Brandon who is amazing. We got lunch at Steak & Shake, where Brandon was surprised to learn that they didn’t have steak and Lauren and I laughed to the point of tears. After lunch, we headed out to Funtyme to play some putt-putt and batting practice. Lauren and I schooled Brandon in both, but that’s just because he’s never done that sort of stuff before. We all had a great time, and then Lauren had to go get stuff around for moving to college. *hugs my Lauren* I love Lauren, she’s so wonderful. It’s hard to imagine that she chose me to be her best friend.

After Lauren left, I continued to chill with Brandon. We hung out at his place for a few hours and chatted with his brothers and watched videos on youtube, and I got to listen to him mess around with his guitar, and play some other stuff he wrote. I almost cried. Then we headed over to College Group in Nashville. That was splendid. I enjoyed it so much. I hope I can continue going with B… I would go by myself except I don’t have a car and am terrible with directions. Manyways, that was really good and we talked a lot about Abraham and this study method that their group is doing now. I met some new people and then we hung out at this cafe down town. The food smelled incredible, but I was disappointed to find it not tasting as good as Mancino’s. Then B and I hung out with his friend Kyle over at Kyle’s house. It was good. We had some good conversation. I also learned something that threw me waaaay off: guys share boxers! I never would have guessed it. Never… girls don’t share underwear, it’s just the way it is. Guys are weird.

Manyways, Brandon and I eventually headed back home and talked some more and listened to a good amount of music including Emery, Simple Plan, and TFK. It was enjoyable. I hope there will be many more of those nights. Except for the very last part of it. Some of the stuff we talked about brought up memories. After Brandon left, I cried and prayed and fell asleep. Someday, I’ll be well, but today is not that day.

If only…

I had forgotten how dreamy he was… how his eyes reflect the light so perfectly; how he speaks with such passion and conviction; how his innocence shines like the dawn… oh James…if only. My love for James Stewart was rekindled today, as I watched him fumble across his words and fidget with his hat as Jefferson Smith in the wonderful movie “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a fictional character. I could just imagine wrapping my arms around his waist and having his long arms envelop me in the most comforting, love-filled embrace that I’ve ever experienced. Will there ever be another man more beautiful than James Stewart? His kindness and gentleness has all but passed away among the insatiable appetites of the filthy pigs of today’s society. Is there hope for a romantic such as myself; is it possible that one day my knight in shining armor will burst onto the horizon in glorious radiance? *sigh* oh James… if only…

Please Pray

Hey y’all,

I don’t think it was by coincidence that I ran into a couple old friends tonight. You see, I had been having a little bit of a rough afternoon and wasn’t feeling the best, but God showed me just how lucky I am to have Him, my family and all of my friends (that includes all of you). The first friend of mine will be starting classes pretty soon at LCC, and we never were really tight friends, but he’s had some things on his mind recently, and I feel like the Lord had me meet up with him tonight for a reason. I ended up coming out of Speedway to see him filling up his tank, and we chatted for a couple minutes, and then I left. As I was driving away, I was reminded that just minutes earlier I had thought to myself, “Perhaps God is bringing me back this way for a purpose.” I turned around and pulled back into the gas station to talk to Sean again, and we’ll be hanging out sometime tomorrow, hopefully. I would ask that you pray for him for whatever it is he has questions in his life concerning, and that God would just bless him so abundantly.

Another friend, I ran into while getting a muffin for my mom at Tim Horton’s. She’s apparently worked there for about a year, but I’ve not managed to run into her before tonight. She’s been having some financial, and family issues. If you would pray for her as well, I would much appreciate it. Her name is Brittany. I don’t know if she loves Christ, but I know that she needs Him.

I know that you’ve been praying for me too, and I just want to thank you, because it’s been such an encouragement to have friends like you. I love you all soooo much, you have no idea. Thanks again! God bless!

I’m Just Gonna Be Single

I don’t want guys playing games with me anymore. I don’t want to have the “avoidance card” played on me again. The most recent encounter with this card was more frustrating than in the past. Right now, I have a definite dislike and distrust of men (except for the 2 guys who regularly read this – I love you two!). Anyways, I’m tired of getting my heart trampled on. I think I’m just gonna live life like I’ll be single forever – because that seems like the best option right now.

Stats Suck Sunday – Sorta

I guess it’s kinda late for a Stats Suck Sunday, but I’ll give it a shot

1. I’m really tired – seriously! I haven’t been this tired before midnight in quite some time. I wonder if it has to do with the caffeine.
2. I haven’t talked with my non-rockstar friend in quite a few days. I’m missing him quite a lot. I wish he would get online early today, cause I don’t think I can make it to 1:30 tonight.
3. I still have to make a decision on if I’m going to school or not this Fall. I need to talk to the Wilson foundation and find out whether or not the check was a fluke. If it wasn’t then I need to decide if I’m gonna drop a year of eligibility to go take classes with it… actually, I have to decide if I’m gonna try to go to CU at all. If I do take classes at LCC, I’ll also have to schedule that pretty quick too. Classes start Thursday.
4. I miss my Lori and my Tim and my Caedmon, Bethany, and Nathanael… they’re all so sweet and I wish I could spend the fall with them again.
5. Summer is almost over -eek
6. Sooooooooooo tired!