I Can’t Stand It!

It’s selfish! It’s sinful! It’s obsessive! It’s wrong! It’s ME!

I can’t stand me! The reason I can’t stand me mostly has to do with my obsessive tendencies. Seriously… I’m borderline stalkerish when it comes to people (particularly those that I like), and I’m borderline OCD when it comes to Solitaire. I purposely put myself in situations where I might get to see or hear about so and so, and even when I’m not in those situations I’m thinking about them. It’s really quite frustrating. I don’t want to be a stalker. I should just stop talking to boys. I should just stop looking at boys. I should just stop living in a world that has boys. That doesn’t work so well though… it would pretty much require me to die. *sigh* when it comes to solitaire, I play for hours and hours just so I can end the game with a positive score (because I play on cumulative score, and I lose a lot.)

I just want to be free of this! What’s the female form of a eunuch? Maybe I should be one of those.

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cause I know this is just me being emotional, and probably tired, I don’t think you should worry about me. God has blessed me with this understanding that I am free from all this sin. Christ died so I can be free from this disease of self. I just need to accept it, and live accordingly, which is hard to do when my focus is on me and not God. I think I like it a lot better when I’m writing incredible posts and poems when my spiritual walk is going really well, but I guess I’ll let you see me weak too. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Oh yeah… pretty much every post I write is a prayer request Thanks

My Wonderful Night

I had a great night.
I played softball.
I played volleyball (very poorly).
I went swimming.
I jumped off a high board and planted my face in my friends’ pond. I actually saw a flash of white when my face hit the water.
I sat out by a fire.
I chatted about random things with the college group.
I took a tour of my friends’ barn, during which I got my shoes and hands covered with manure.
I climbed a silo (sp?).
I chatted about some more random things.
I discussed ones magnitude of love for Jesus with a few wonderful friends.
I was and still am boggled that there are so many wonderful young Christian men in college group who are single… I mean, you can’t find nicer men than these and they don’t even have girlfriends.
I am about to take a shower to hopefully wash the “cow smell” out of my hair. It’s pretty intense.