WordPress – I love you

I know I don’t tell you this often, but it seems appropriate for our 1 year anniversary. I love you, WordPress, I really do. I feel that I should do a little montage of how this year has brought us closer together… Here it goes:

Poetry snippets:

“I live for you; I die for you
I give up all I prize for you
In you, alone, is where I belong
I’ve but one desire
Lord, let me be your song” —> Let Me Be Your Song

” Christ died to save our souls
He gave his every breath
And to live for him completely
God called us to death” —> Called to Death

“What I see is nothing to gawk at
What I see is nothing to like
What I see is just another lost soul
In need of Jesus Christ” —> What I See

“She cried in her bed, suicidal thoughts in her head
Wishing that all her emotions were dead
To knowing his love was a step away from eros

For months at a time her mixed feelings collided
Until she gave everything to the God she confided
Whose love was agape” —> A Step Away From Eros

” I searched for comfort
And I thought it would last
But relying on soft soap
It slipped into the past” —> Searching for the Truth

More Than These …. Trust me, this one is probably my best! Read it all!

“My maker is my husband
Glorious one I love
Oh what joy of intimacy
With my righteous God above” —> Oh Husband of Mine

“My heart-drives me from the deepest love
Hard as stone it breaks against these walls
My heart-drives me out into this world
Leaving me with broken pieces That no man can clean up” —> Within These Walls

“Can I talk to you tonight
Cause they’re saying this has to end
Can I talk to you tonight
Cause they’re saying we can’t be friends
But I know I’ll probably lose you soon enough
So can I talk to you tonight” —> Tonight … Oh the memories are flooding back

“And I know because He’s glorified
Praying for you is right
And when I see Him in his glory
I’ll know it’s worth the fight
And I know because He’s glorified
I will just pray all the more
And when God makes you perfect
That’s what my tears are for” —> Why Do I Pray

Just Give Me You … this is a close second to More Than These

“And mmm I hope that smile lasts forever
Cause ooo you shine more than diamonds
And mmm I hope you always laugh
Cause ooo it’s music to my ears” —> What I Saw

“The sunlight sleeps, and the night air creeps
And the frost chills to the bone
The stars don’t shine and the broken hearts pine
For the love they used to know” —> The Sunlight …this one is also on my purevolume

“Can you hear me in the whisper
Not the earthquake, fire or wind
But I’m softly speaking to you
If you’ll only let me in” —> If My People Will Pray

“Here we have a loving king
Who joy and peace and truth will bring
Into the lives of all who claim his name” —> Your Name

“I just want to let you know
I’m so glad that you’re here
Cause ya know, without you
I’d have dirty underwear” —> Ode to the Toilet

“What was right about last night?
The stars, the moon, the evening light?
Was it the chance that brought us to sight
Of a fallen world that seemed alright?” —> What Was Right About Last Night

” I’m sorry I messed us up
To the point we’re not together
I just wish I could make amends
And show you respect forever” —> I Respect You

“I’m only well when I’m on my knees
I’m only well when your name’s on my lips
And if complacency tempts me to stand
Put weight on my shoulders to keep me well
Praying in your glory
Praying in your glory” —> On My Knees

“One last time to say goodbye
One last time for me to cry
One last time of letting go
One last time to end the show” —> One Last Time

…. now we’re getting really recent… I bet anyone who has made it this far is thankful for that!

“A heart of gold could never buy
The love that makes me ask you why
Waiting is such an arduous task
When desiring truth and love that lasts” —> Truth and Love

“I hope you look at the stars tonight
and I hope you see them shine
I hope you hear the whispering wind
Telling you you’re mine” —> I Hope OH! The Dream of a wonderful Husband!

Well, that’s a good summation of my poetry… I bet y’all are tired of reading by now, so I guess I’ll just post a few (read as “a ton of”) links to other non-poetry posts… some posts that will take you over the mole-hills and mountains that I’ve trekked over the past year… if you want to just click on random links, that will work too

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Pride is My Issue

Fasting

Faulty Praying

Quote …. hehehe

2 Songs

Stoked, but Scared

What is So Hard to Understand?

Wrist Hickey

My Mistake

Sometimes Stuff Happens

What’s On My Mind

I Like Sleep

Unpleasant

Noticing

Unexplainable

Wonder of it All

Valentine’s Date

Why Being Really Lonely is Sometimes Super Awesome

Things That Make Me Smile

Today’s Playlist and A Few Words

What God is Good For

Unhappy Yesterday, The Afters, and Evidence That Demands a Verdict

Inhales

Entropy!

Quick Post

Fantabulous Friday

Save Me From Waking Up Tonight

CHCB

Ugh

Flirting Makes Friends

Moving On (Hopefully)

Twitterpated

Apostle Paul and Hot-cha-cha

I’m Probably the Worst Thing for Myself

20 Year Old? Yeah Right!

What I Wanted

Advice

Majorly Stressin!

Good or Bad?

…………………..I think that’s enough.

Great Like That

So, sometimes I think God wakes me up at 1 a.m. so I can have over an hour long chat with a new friend. I think this morning was one of those times. I had been lying in bed for over an hour, trying to catch some ZZZ, when I wake up and get an urge to get of Facebook. Now I’m sure some of you are thinking “God, yeah right… more like addiction!” but it wasn’t like that this time. We chatted and we found that we had some pretty random stuff in common, such as, we both thought the other was Baptist, but we’re actually both Assemblies of God. Or how about, we both have the same phone and have had it for the same amount of time. Yeah.. God’s great like that. It was almost as much fun as when my headphones malfunctioned allowing me to meet this awesome person. Or the time when I went to see Brandon’s band and ended up having the time of my life with a person I had met the same day. I love how God networks! I wouldn’t have it any other way ^_^

The sun will come out tomorrow – I hope

Tomorrow looks to be a wonderful day for me. I’m well on my way to not being sick, and I’ve made some lovely plans with my good friend Whitney. I don’t know what will be going on tomorrow morning, but hopefully it will involve getting some answers from Cedarville’s financial aid office. In the late afternoon/early evening, my friend Whit will hopefully be coming over to my house, to possibly go swimming or just chill, and afterwards we’ll be going to Grove Bible Church to play some soccer. The last pick up soccer game of the summer for us – ’tis sad. Hopefully we’ll see each other a few more times before everyone is off to school though. It’s been great getting to know everyone this summer. I wish there was more time for our friendships to grow even stronger though. Manyways, I’ve not been really good at updating lately. Hopefully I will get better.

a-chooo a-chooo

*cough cough* My immune system isn’t happy right now. It might be because I swallowed about a gallon of lake water or perhaps it’s because one of the college group members was not quite well before we went on the retreat. Whatever the cause, my snot is green, my ears are tickled, my throat is scratchy and I need to call Cedarville’s financial aid office – this is going to be fun! *cough cough hack hack* Enjoy your day! I’ll be trying to enjoy mine!

The Long and Short of it

… actually, it’s just the short of it, because it’s nearly 11:30, and I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night (that’s very little compared to what I normally get). Here it goes:

worship around a campfire is awesome

wake-boarding is fun, but I need a lot of practice!

pushing people into the lake is fun – in my defense, they started it!

my camera doesn’t like taking baths, even if they’re less than 5 seconds long

I love college kids!

fishing poles and air conditioning

lol, he peed his pants?! lol… man… crazy times

I give up on having a crush on a boy who knows it, but tries to be polite by not directly saying “I don’t like you!”

the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet are never the ones you thought you’d like

I miss my friends at Barakel… particularly the boy who isn’t really my friend, but for some reason I’ve been missing our friendship. You know, that one boy…yeah, that one! Well… I’m not missing “us” I’m just missing my friend who I used to hang out with. That cool kid who introduced me to a lot of my favorite music. That sweet guy who was really great at bowling. That genius who sat behind me in pre-calc and programmed his own game on his calculator. He’s pretty awesome. I bet you wish you were friends with him. So do I… Plus… I’m feeling like I owe him some cookies.

ok, it’s sufficiently past my bedtime. I hope you all sleep well! G’night!

———edit———–

I had the best fish ever! Thanks Ivan for cooking it! Thanks Andrew and Brian and God for catching/giving it!

See ya!

I get to rock it out with the college group this weekend! Wake boarding, cookies, fishing, worship and much more It’s gonna be amazing! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend as well! Chat with y’all later!

There’s a Fork

Perhaps my proverbial fork is not quite so clear as the one my niece, Bethany, is gladly showing, but I believe it is there none the less. At this point in my life, I can see it proceeding into the fall in two ways: 1) Me receiving the financial aid necessary for me to go to Cedarville, where I will play softball for another year, and sadly miss another Harvest Party or 2) Me failing to receive the funds necessary for me to go to CU in the fall, and instead, babysitting my niece, Emily, and saving my money so I can hopefully either go to Cedarville for the Spring semester or even begin anew next year (but luckily be able to go to the Harvest Party). Personally, both of these have their ups and downs, and I feel like listing them.

CU positives:

1. Play softball
2. Be surrounded by godly young men and women
3. Get my Education degree
4. Have the opportunity to become part of a larger community and serve others outside of my current community
5. Make new friends
6. Become better friends with others
7. Possibly meet my husband

CU negatives:

1. Incur a lot of debt
2. Miss the Harvest Party
3. Rarely see my friends from Michigan
4. Rarely see my family
5. Have the stress that naturally comes with going to school

Not going to CU positives:

1. Earn and Save money
2. Spend more time with certain family members
3. Help out a sister in need of child care
4. Have lots of free time
5. Not incur large amounts of debt
6. Be flexible
7. Leaves the possibility of going to New Tribes open

Not going to CU negatives:

1. Less likely that I’ll be able to play college softball again
2. Miss out on some great experiences
3. Feeling awkward because I told a bunch of people I am going to Cedarville
4. Not hanging out with some new friends I’ve made via facebook who will be going to CU
5. It may be more difficult to get scholarships the longer I wait
6. I will let Coach Rowe and the team down, because they were counting on me playing
7. I won’t get to meet all of those godly young men and women

So, as you can see… there is a lot to be said for both. I think of all those, the main reason I would want to go would be to not let down my coach and teammates, and the reason I would want to not go would be to stay out of debt. I went to this seminar hosted by Send International maybe 2 years ago, and they said that if you want to be a missionary, one of the best things you can do is not have debt. If I go to CU, I will have debt. The only way I won’t have debt is if God provides finances other than loans for me (which is very possible as nothing is impossible with God). If God’s will is for me to be a missionary, it stands to reason that he would not have me study Early Childhood Education at Cedarville. However, I don’t know that God is calling me to be a missionary. Wow, I just got so off topic. The point is, without debt, if God called me, it would be easier to go.

Anyways, I will be trying to gain the financial aid necessary to go to Cedarville, and if I do not receive it, then I think it’s a pretty clear sign that CU is not where God has put me for this fall. If I do receive it, it’s all God I love my God and how great he is!

Your prayers are much appreciated!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

The most incredible woman I’ve ever known is turning 56 years old today. She’s raised 10 children, practically by herself. She’s stayed committed to her husband who has been abusive, an adulterer and a sluggard. She’s not let one day go by without letting me know that she loves me.

Happy Birthday, mom!

I love you!

This is my Mommy with her granddaughter Emily… my mom has earned every single one of those silver hairs on her head!

Ocean Wide – The Afters

“Ocean Wide”

Look outside
It’s already light and the stars ran away with the night
Things we’re said, words that we’ll try forget,
it’s so hard to admit I know we’ve made mistakes
I see through all the tears but that’s what got us here

[Chorus:]
If love is an ocean wide
We’ll swim in the tears we cry
They’ll see us through to the other side
We’re gonna make it
When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We’ll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

I’ll stay right here
It’s where I’ll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn’t set
I don’t want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that’s what got us here

[Chorus]

Love is an ocean wide enough to forget
Even when we think we can’t

—————–

I don’t know why, but that song has been going through my head a lot recently. I don’t even know when the last time I heard it was, but man… it makes me wanna cry. Maybe it has to do with the boy that was in my dream last night that wasn’t supposed to be there. But you know what… maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson. I woke up at a time that would have been good to get up before church, but I was really tired and stayed in bed. The dream with the individual happened after that – I’m pretty sure. Thus, if I had gotten up when I awakened the first time I would not have dreamed about such. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter. God has control of my life, and I love him. The song is really intense too. I like it.

I Can’t Stand It!

It’s selfish! It’s sinful! It’s obsessive! It’s wrong! It’s ME!

I can’t stand me! The reason I can’t stand me mostly has to do with my obsessive tendencies. Seriously… I’m borderline stalkerish when it comes to people (particularly those that I like), and I’m borderline OCD when it comes to Solitaire. I purposely put myself in situations where I might get to see or hear about so and so, and even when I’m not in those situations I’m thinking about them. It’s really quite frustrating. I don’t want to be a stalker. I should just stop talking to boys. I should just stop looking at boys. I should just stop living in a world that has boys. That doesn’t work so well though… it would pretty much require me to die. *sigh* when it comes to solitaire, I play for hours and hours just so I can end the game with a positive score (because I play on cumulative score, and I lose a lot.)

I just want to be free of this! What’s the female form of a eunuch? Maybe I should be one of those.

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pre-edit

cause I know this is just me being emotional, and probably tired, I don’t think you should worry about me. God has blessed me with this understanding that I am free from all this sin. Christ died so I can be free from this disease of self. I just need to accept it, and live accordingly, which is hard to do when my focus is on me and not God. I think I like it a lot better when I’m writing incredible posts and poems when my spiritual walk is going really well, but I guess I’ll let you see me weak too. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Oh yeah… pretty much every post I write is a prayer request Thanks